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The current war as well as the political/economic
situation here in the United States gives me plenty of opportunities
for healing and forgiveness! I find myself and many people I know
dealing with feelings of anger, fear, hopelessness and powerlessness.
Many of us are trying to look at the situation philosophically.
We're writing letters to our congressional representatives, praying
and offering healing to the world. Yet, still we have to work with
the personal emotions that living in the world at this time brings
up for us.
For myself, having grown up with a rage-aholic parent, my gut reaction
to the actions of my government is to be irate. There is a part
of myself that thinks if I get mad enough the rest of the world
will do what I want them to; but when I lose my temper I end up
feeling bad and it never seems to accomplish my goals. I suppose
that is because my goals are to have loving and meaningful relationships
in my life and emotional violence doesn't accomplish that; any more
than the physical violence of this war is likely to achieve lasting
peace in our relations with the Middle East. I tend to believe that
any anger people hold about the war only feeds the collective tendency
toward aggressive behavior. So I have found myself using this opportunity
to bring healing to myself.
I believe that the world exists in miniature
within each one of us and that by addressing the hate, fear and
violence within my own soul, I am bringing peace into my world.
I wish the job was as simple to do as it is to write. When facing
those hurt places within myself, I encounter the part of me that
feels justified in hating, blaming and fearing. I have been violated
and deeply hurt many times as I'm sure all of us have. There is
a part of me that feels that I should hold out for an apology from
the universe, or at least withhold my love until it is proven safe
to give it again. There is the belief that to love is to be hurt.
This is a common and unfortunate mistake. I have found consistently
in my work with clients and myself that the hardest thing for the
soul to deal with isn't what happened to us as much as it is the
ugly feelings that come up within us when we are abused. Ultimately
healing comes from accepting and healing the violence and hatred
that we feel within in reaction to what has been done to us. From
there, we can begin to release the hurts that caused those reactions
in the first place. When the hurts are released, healing can happen.
Having worked with this principle successfully
over the years, I realize a need, because of the war and hatred
around me, to heal myself of any repressed need for vengeance on
the abusers of my past. As long as those emotions are within me,
no matter how deeply burried, I am living in violence and hatred
regardless of the love that surrounds me in my family and with my
friends. This is true for all of us.
As I am able to accept, forgive and transform through the love that
exists within me any toxic emotions I have been holding in body,
heart and mind, I find myself able to make peace with the world
I live in, even though it hasn't made peace with itself yet. Even
though those who are acting in hatred and violence continue to do
so, I am increasingly a presence of love in the world. Being at
peace with myself at this time is not all love and roses, I still
have angry and fearful feelings that come up, but rather than projecting
them onto my government and those who are acting in ways that are
hurtful, I deal with them in myself where I can make a difference.
James Twyman's recent prayer vigil suggested that we see our world
leaders as hurt little children that need to remember they are always
and divinely loved. Perhaps we are all little children inside. Please
remember to love and comfort that child within yourself so that
you can be a presence of peace and love in the world.
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